i could blog about poker now, but i won't.
i'm going to carry on blogging about gambling addiction. it's far more relevant.
three months ago i realised my period was late, did the test and lo! there was the little line saying i was avec child. quick glass of vino, couple of ciggies and two more tests. both positive.
delighted, mr donk v happy too, a couple of months earlier than planned (work committments) but hey, who cares?
so, baby good. pregnancy less good. being a carrier BAD. i am not good at treating myself well ---- all that stretched in front of me was months of sobriety, no smoking, no such fun. what to do when work's tough? what to look forward to at the weekend? etc etc.
disney's best animators couldn't have drawn the cartoon light bulb pic that appeared above my head as clearly as it appeared to me. if i were sober, surely i could re-install t'internet? poker could be what i looked forward to.
so i began again. and it's been better, esp during the week, when i've been turning off computer 11pm, not 2am, have only played 1 - 2 stt, not 3-4. and def no drunkedn entries into mtt at midnight on a weds.
So where's the problem... the prob is the mtts at the weekend. out of maybe 40 i've played, i've cashed ONCE. once....
why? ok, big stuff coming up. just not now. but v soon
Monday 17 September 2007
Thursday 30 August 2007
Strange Times
.....it's thursday night, so while monseuir donk gets a five-a-side work out, i get the flat, and the remote control, to myself.
nothing better, to be honest, than a thursday night. the only other time i get to myself is during the 2 1/2 hour round trip that's my daily commute, and that really doesn't count....
So back to the strange bit. I'm watching cricket. voluntarily. on my own ;-) this one day stuff's alright. i've been coerced into watching most of the earlier matches (games) in this series (?) and i've found myself slightly committed. i can do all the hand actions now and even tried a tentative "we're tighter in the field than they were" last sunday. i was right, apparently. hehe.... it helps that right now we're batting and this end of day stuff seems to be the best bit of it.
anyway. poker. things not so amiss chez donk that i'm not playing poker too. obvs. been small stakes, stt'ing. two games since last blogged. won one, second in tother. 'stars roll on the up. currently in a 18-way sng.
wish me luck.... x sd
nothing better, to be honest, than a thursday night. the only other time i get to myself is during the 2 1/2 hour round trip that's my daily commute, and that really doesn't count....
So back to the strange bit. I'm watching cricket. voluntarily. on my own ;-) this one day stuff's alright. i've been coerced into watching most of the earlier matches (games) in this series (?) and i've found myself slightly committed. i can do all the hand actions now and even tried a tentative "we're tighter in the field than they were" last sunday. i was right, apparently. hehe.... it helps that right now we're batting and this end of day stuff seems to be the best bit of it.
anyway. poker. things not so amiss chez donk that i'm not playing poker too. obvs. been small stakes, stt'ing. two games since last blogged. won one, second in tother. 'stars roll on the up. currently in a 18-way sng.
wish me luck.... x sd
Sunday 26 August 2007
BRM
so - going keep a track of my stack.
best place to start - how much i have now.
on ip. so i'll start there: $100
best place to start - how much i have now.
on ip. so i'll start there: $100
Ouch
Tonight, I donked as much as i have ever donked in one night
my problem? well, it wasn't that i was playing badly. in fact, there were quite a few good moves, some strong folds, nice stategic thinking and uncharacteristic periods of tightness
my prob was simply that i got caught in a sunday night fever. for once, i'm not exhausted out of my brain, and no work tomo. a deadly combo that saw me buy into half a dozen of the big sunday tourneys, when i couldn't afford to buy into one.
it's all to do with the dreaming. and the itch. the itch is easier to beat than the dreaming. the itch is all about finding anything other than playing online poker really boring.
it's two in the morning. i started playing at 5pm. that's nine hours. actually, i don't feel as self-loathing as i could. considering.
so what do i want out of online poker? not this. i need to rethink, regroup. i can't carry on losing money. money has never been the issue before. it will be soon, very soon.
so what do i want from online poker? honestly, i want lots of money. money i won't come into any other way. as a past time, it's ok, but not great. i'd rather be addicted to exercise ;-) or be a bit OCD about cleaning.... actually, i'd take suduko, fell-running, anything would make me feel better than this does.
as i went to sign on for my first game, my husband said "if you're losing, keep it small" - i thought, hah! right. knew from the start what was going to happen. though maybe not the extent of it.
so where from here? ok, mrs steaming donk. 30 days to sort it out. then quit, if needs be. i could write the rules i should play by, but i know them off by heart. BRM is #1. MTTs only when i'm not tired, when i can afford them, and with less than 500 players for the mo.
more ho hum'ing, ta for reading xc
my problem? well, it wasn't that i was playing badly. in fact, there were quite a few good moves, some strong folds, nice stategic thinking and uncharacteristic periods of tightness
my prob was simply that i got caught in a sunday night fever. for once, i'm not exhausted out of my brain, and no work tomo. a deadly combo that saw me buy into half a dozen of the big sunday tourneys, when i couldn't afford to buy into one.
it's all to do with the dreaming. and the itch. the itch is easier to beat than the dreaming. the itch is all about finding anything other than playing online poker really boring.
it's two in the morning. i started playing at 5pm. that's nine hours. actually, i don't feel as self-loathing as i could. considering.
so what do i want out of online poker? not this. i need to rethink, regroup. i can't carry on losing money. money has never been the issue before. it will be soon, very soon.
so what do i want from online poker? honestly, i want lots of money. money i won't come into any other way. as a past time, it's ok, but not great. i'd rather be addicted to exercise ;-) or be a bit OCD about cleaning.... actually, i'd take suduko, fell-running, anything would make me feel better than this does.
as i went to sign on for my first game, my husband said "if you're losing, keep it small" - i thought, hah! right. knew from the start what was going to happen. though maybe not the extent of it.
so where from here? ok, mrs steaming donk. 30 days to sort it out. then quit, if needs be. i could write the rules i should play by, but i know them off by heart. BRM is #1. MTTs only when i'm not tired, when i can afford them, and with less than 500 players for the mo.
more ho hum'ing, ta for reading xc
Monday 20 August 2007
long time, huh?
so - back online. 'ere goes
offline for four months. great times, guys, really recommend it. won't lie, losing internet was tough at first- not just for the lack of poker. the result however was positive, and not just financially.
played live three times in a cardroom in london. cashed 2/36 and 5/74. good, huh? more committed to live games. plus, it was donktastic, people talk about the monkeys online, come to croydon guys. soft as squashy, summer ripe peaches.
two points to note before i get onto my return to online poker.
1) all those things i never got done 'cause of playing online poker, i still didn't do. reckon i'm just bone idle. but i had a better time not doing them than i would have done if i'd've been glued to the laptop.
2) i've collected vices all my life. always done too much of everything and have never found a middle ground, it's always been excess or nothing, total immersion or quit. of all the destructive habits i've ever had, gambling has had the most detrimental effect. the damage to credit cards will long outlive the damage i've done to my liver. but that's not the scariest bit. when you gamble, you assume that there's this big thing that will change your life just round the corner - a big win. all else is deferred, including responsibility for money in the short term. without gambling, i lose my dreams, my prospect of real change. this is the problem with gambling; the only thing i really missed when i was offline was the loss of these dreams.
i went back online. about two months ago. there are reasons for this, all will be revealed.
how've i been doing? well, i guess there are two ways to measure this. firstly, there's the quantative results - the cash. then there's the degree to which it's affected my quality of life.
money: in two months,i reckon i've spunked about £600. i started off well, low limit stts, beating them consistently, sticking to my roll, sticking to stars. not been drinking and so've played a lot less, known when to turn off the computer -namely after first game, whether won or lost.
built a built up a bit of a roll and then donked it on a couple of mtts i shouldn't have bought in to. the bulk of the rest of the cash i've topped up in the last ten days, again to play mtts. haven't actually played many mtts, maybe two dozen. one cash, for not very much. maybe a 15/350? for $50.
life: yeah, poker's back, but it's better, it's ok. play less. have changed the email notification email on stars account so when i deposit the husband gets the notification. deferrring responsibilty or what?? but def dif, def better. not entering mtts in the week, no late nights.
just got to win a bit now, take a more serious attitude to game. or maybe be more frivilous and play micro stakes (like that's going to happen...) work on building stack so i can afford to play mtts where the prize money is enough to keep me committed. but can't be buying into these big mtts.
but all hail the return of the dreaming... tho' doing so poorly that even me, the ever optimistic donk is these finding dreams too improbable to really dwell upon
more to come. thanks for reading.
offline for four months. great times, guys, really recommend it. won't lie, losing internet was tough at first- not just for the lack of poker. the result however was positive, and not just financially.
played live three times in a cardroom in london. cashed 2/36 and 5/74. good, huh? more committed to live games. plus, it was donktastic, people talk about the monkeys online, come to croydon guys. soft as squashy, summer ripe peaches.
two points to note before i get onto my return to online poker.
1) all those things i never got done 'cause of playing online poker, i still didn't do. reckon i'm just bone idle. but i had a better time not doing them than i would have done if i'd've been glued to the laptop.
2) i've collected vices all my life. always done too much of everything and have never found a middle ground, it's always been excess or nothing, total immersion or quit. of all the destructive habits i've ever had, gambling has had the most detrimental effect. the damage to credit cards will long outlive the damage i've done to my liver. but that's not the scariest bit. when you gamble, you assume that there's this big thing that will change your life just round the corner - a big win. all else is deferred, including responsibility for money in the short term. without gambling, i lose my dreams, my prospect of real change. this is the problem with gambling; the only thing i really missed when i was offline was the loss of these dreams.
i went back online. about two months ago. there are reasons for this, all will be revealed.
how've i been doing? well, i guess there are two ways to measure this. firstly, there's the quantative results - the cash. then there's the degree to which it's affected my quality of life.
money: in two months,i reckon i've spunked about £600. i started off well, low limit stts, beating them consistently, sticking to my roll, sticking to stars. not been drinking and so've played a lot less, known when to turn off the computer -namely after first game, whether won or lost.
built a built up a bit of a roll and then donked it on a couple of mtts i shouldn't have bought in to. the bulk of the rest of the cash i've topped up in the last ten days, again to play mtts. haven't actually played many mtts, maybe two dozen. one cash, for not very much. maybe a 15/350? for $50.
life: yeah, poker's back, but it's better, it's ok. play less. have changed the email notification email on stars account so when i deposit the husband gets the notification. deferrring responsibilty or what?? but def dif, def better. not entering mtts in the week, no late nights.
just got to win a bit now, take a more serious attitude to game. or maybe be more frivilous and play micro stakes (like that's going to happen...) work on building stack so i can afford to play mtts where the prize money is enough to keep me committed. but can't be buying into these big mtts.
but all hail the return of the dreaming... tho' doing so poorly that even me, the ever optimistic donk is these finding dreams too improbable to really dwell upon
more to come. thanks for reading.
Saturday 31 March 2007
Bloody bloody
I have no internet. I am in an internet cafe.
i searched through all the spareroom junk to find a contact number for BT. I dialled it from my mobile - turned out the number was already stored. i'd called it "bloody".
BT are, of course, absolutley bleeding awful. im every way. partly to keep you reading, and partly to rise up above it, i'm not going to chronicle the week i had with them on the phone. in the spirit of cool, calm rising-above, i just called them and cancelled all my BT services. We'll go to Sky - it'll mean a month of no net, but I feel very very good about not hanging with BT on the off chance that maybe another week of daily, hour-long calls might get me a bit nearer to online.
..... in truth, it's like i've lost a limb. and it aint just the poker. it's working from home, checking who's still in the EPT Grand Final, darnnit - watching the EPT Grand Final. What's worse - got a week off work next week and was hoping to give some mtts the due attention they never get when i play them when too tired.
*********************
and re my last post, which promised to let you know how i'd done in my half hour nlhe cash games - woke up the next morning and honestly couldn't recall. that's the life of a lush for you... if were going to make an intelligent guess, I'd say I spunked most of my ££££ that night .... BUT, before net went down, I had a nice little run on the cash games on crypto and THINK I'm up to about $300. could be wrong though, and have no way of knowing.
cheers guys, back with you when rupert murdoch comes good. go rupert! get me netted up, and all i'll suckle your demonic teat til til i puff my last breathe....
i searched through all the spareroom junk to find a contact number for BT. I dialled it from my mobile - turned out the number was already stored. i'd called it "bloody".
BT are, of course, absolutley bleeding awful. im every way. partly to keep you reading, and partly to rise up above it, i'm not going to chronicle the week i had with them on the phone. in the spirit of cool, calm rising-above, i just called them and cancelled all my BT services. We'll go to Sky - it'll mean a month of no net, but I feel very very good about not hanging with BT on the off chance that maybe another week of daily, hour-long calls might get me a bit nearer to online.
..... in truth, it's like i've lost a limb. and it aint just the poker. it's working from home, checking who's still in the EPT Grand Final, darnnit - watching the EPT Grand Final. What's worse - got a week off work next week and was hoping to give some mtts the due attention they never get when i play them when too tired.
*********************
and re my last post, which promised to let you know how i'd done in my half hour nlhe cash games - woke up the next morning and honestly couldn't recall. that's the life of a lush for you... if were going to make an intelligent guess, I'd say I spunked most of my ££££ that night .... BUT, before net went down, I had a nice little run on the cash games on crypto and THINK I'm up to about $300. could be wrong though, and have no way of knowing.
cheers guys, back with you when rupert murdoch comes good. go rupert! get me netted up, and all i'll suckle your demonic teat til til i puff my last breathe....
Monday 19 March 2007
Cash HE
Finished my brief mtt run with a second place for £400 on Friday. I won't lie - I'd topped up a bit. First mtt blow-out since a month ago. But my run saw me up - and funded my way into the crypto £40k.
---- for the non-poker geeks, the sunday crpyto games is one of the only tournies a working European can take part in with a first prize over £10k+. Buy in £120 - I came 2nd in it once for 7.5 k!-----
Had qualified for it three weeks ago via a sat, and gone out in 90th. This time it was 72nd. GGRRRRRRRRR. Played well -- saw quite a few flops early doors, which seems to work for me at the moment. Cards with me and had some key double throughs. Then TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT, stayed in top ten/ twenty for most of game. Donk donk lots of chips on one stupid hand when we were down to about 110. In my defence, I managed not to tilt immediatley afterwards, but played my medium/ shortstack poorly and went out on a silly button move. I get fixated on M and xxx BB and push too easily when short.
So that's that.
Well, nearly..... Been playing $.15/$.25 NL holdem on crypto. i never play cash holdem, will sometimes mess about at micro limit pl omaha, but only ever for fun. til tonight had been gradually doing ok - adding $10 to my $20 buy in and leaving. two/three tabling. Tonight I lost $40, so that sucked. but --- for first time I think i understand how there's a profit to be made from grinding, and that it might be ok. also might really help my tourney play, you have to shift out of the "should be making a move soon" mentality, and also makes you think about making most/losing least in each pot
now, before i started writing, i'd been entertaining the idea of going to bed without revisting the cash games, but sod that - just half an hour.
here's a deal. i'll stake $60 over 3 tables and report back tomo
night night
---- for the non-poker geeks, the sunday crpyto games is one of the only tournies a working European can take part in with a first prize over £10k+. Buy in £120 - I came 2nd in it once for 7.5 k!-----
Had qualified for it three weeks ago via a sat, and gone out in 90th. This time it was 72nd. GGRRRRRRRRR. Played well -- saw quite a few flops early doors, which seems to work for me at the moment. Cards with me and had some key double throughs. Then TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT, stayed in top ten/ twenty for most of game. Donk donk lots of chips on one stupid hand when we were down to about 110. In my defence, I managed not to tilt immediatley afterwards, but played my medium/ shortstack poorly and went out on a silly button move. I get fixated on M and xxx BB and push too easily when short.
So that's that.
Well, nearly..... Been playing $.15/$.25 NL holdem on crypto. i never play cash holdem, will sometimes mess about at micro limit pl omaha, but only ever for fun. til tonight had been gradually doing ok - adding $10 to my $20 buy in and leaving. two/three tabling. Tonight I lost $40, so that sucked. but --- for first time I think i understand how there's a profit to be made from grinding, and that it might be ok. also might really help my tourney play, you have to shift out of the "should be making a move soon" mentality, and also makes you think about making most/losing least in each pot
now, before i started writing, i'd been entertaining the idea of going to bed without revisting the cash games, but sod that - just half an hour.
here's a deal. i'll stake $60 over 3 tables and report back tomo
night night
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