Ouch

Tonight, I donked as much as i have ever donked in one night

my problem? well, it wasn't that i was playing badly. in fact, there were quite a few good moves, some strong folds, nice stategic thinking and uncharacteristic periods of tightness

my prob was simply that i got caught in a sunday night fever. for once, i'm not exhausted out of my brain, and no work tomo. a deadly combo that saw me buy into half a dozen of the big sunday tourneys, when i couldn't afford to buy into one.

it's all to do with the dreaming. and the itch. the itch is easier to beat than the dreaming. the itch is all about finding anything other than playing online poker really boring.

it's two in the morning. i started playing at 5pm. that's nine hours. actually, i don't feel as self-loathing as i could. considering.

so what do i want out of online poker? not this. i need to rethink, regroup. i can't carry on losing money. money has never been the issue before. it will be soon, very soon.

so what do i want from online poker? honestly, i want lots of money. money i won't come into any other way. as a past time, it's ok, but not great. i'd rather be addicted to exercise ;-) or be a bit OCD about cleaning.... actually, i'd take suduko, fell-running, anything would make me feel better than this does.

as i went to sign on for my first game, my husband said "if you're losing, keep it small" - i thought, hah! right. knew from the start what was going to happen. though maybe not the extent of it.

so where from here? ok, mrs steaming donk. 30 days to sort it out. then quit, if needs be. i could write the rules i should play by, but i know them off by heart. BRM is #1. MTTs only when i'm not tired, when i can afford them, and with less than 500 players for the mo.

more ho hum'ing, ta for reading xc