long time, huh?

so - back online. 'ere goes

offline for four months. great times, guys, really recommend it. won't lie, losing internet was tough at first- not just for the lack of poker. the result however was positive, and not just financially.

played live three times in a cardroom in london. cashed 2/36 and 5/74. good, huh? more committed to live games. plus, it was donktastic, people talk about the monkeys online, come to croydon guys. soft as squashy, summer ripe peaches.

two points to note before i get onto my return to online poker.

1) all those things i never got done 'cause of playing online poker, i still didn't do. reckon i'm just bone idle. but i had a better time not doing them than i would have done if i'd've been glued to the laptop.

2) i've collected vices all my life. always done too much of everything and have never found a middle ground, it's always been excess or nothing, total immersion or quit. of all the destructive habits i've ever had, gambling has had the most detrimental effect. the damage to credit cards will long outlive the damage i've done to my liver. but that's not the scariest bit. when you gamble, you assume that there's this big thing that will change your life just round the corner - a big win. all else is deferred, including responsibility for money in the short term. without gambling, i lose my dreams, my prospect of real change. this is the problem with gambling; the only thing i really missed when i was offline was the loss of these dreams.

i went back online. about two months ago. there are reasons for this, all will be revealed.

how've i been doing? well, i guess there are two ways to measure this. firstly, there's the quantative results - the cash. then there's the degree to which it's affected my quality of life.

money: in two months,i reckon i've spunked about £600. i started off well, low limit stts, beating them consistently, sticking to my roll, sticking to stars. not been drinking and so've played a lot less, known when to turn off the computer -namely after first game, whether won or lost.

built a built up a bit of a roll and then donked it on a couple of mtts i shouldn't have bought in to. the bulk of the rest of the cash i've topped up in the last ten days, again to play mtts. haven't actually played many mtts, maybe two dozen. one cash, for not very much. maybe a 15/350? for $50.

life: yeah, poker's back, but it's better, it's ok. play less. have changed the email notification email on stars account so when i deposit the husband gets the notification. deferrring responsibilty or what?? but def dif, def better. not entering mtts in the week, no late nights.

just got to win a bit now, take a more serious attitude to game. or maybe be more frivilous and play micro stakes (like that's going to happen...) work on building stack so i can afford to play mtts where the prize money is enough to keep me committed. but can't be buying into these big mtts.

but all hail the return of the dreaming... tho' doing so poorly that even me, the ever optimistic donk is these finding dreams too improbable to really dwell upon

more to come. thanks for reading.